I Miss You, You, and You...

The 1^st you:

There stands a not so tall-warm eyes-nice buts-good sense of humor-not so handy man who always text me every single morning with exactly the same ‘have a nice working day and don’t forget your vitamins’ messages, looks like a cute koala when he sleeps. He who always gets on my nerves whenever I call him to share my stories since he always cut my line up with his own bunch of stories. He who creatively find millions of reasons to disagree with my decision of leaving and replace my position as his daughter with a cute puppy. He who always needs to pee before leaving home for any reasons. He who never hugs or hold my hand whenever we cross the street. He who thinks that a man would never get old. He who I love the most. He who loves me a lot. He who always stands on my back and always is there whenever I need anything. Him to whom I call Dad.

The 2^nd you:

If I’m asked to give name to a creature who:

1.    Never stops talking

2.    Is hygiene freak

3.    Have a really amusing sound of laughing

4.    Needs to summon 600 times about exactly one damn same instruction

5.    Own extra ordinary power to still yell at anything even after cleaning the house for like million times

6.    Could easily make friends with anyone she meet

7.    Comments a lot

8.    Always say ‘I’m fine’ even when she’s not

9.    Is the truest friend you could ever had

10. Become a place to seek when you disagree with your Dad.

I would name it a mom. I would name it MY mom.

The 3^rd you:

We share the same Mom and Dad, we also share the same first name, but we are sharing nothing else in common. We’re not twins. She’s 5 years younger than I am. She’s diligent, I’m not. She’s pretty, and I’m prettier :p - She picks black for her nail polish, I choose transparent. She’s enjoying wearing miniskirts and shorts; I am struggling to enjoy it. She’s clumsy, I’m not –I’m not right?–. She choose skulls miniature for her earring and I prefer something simple. She’s funny and I’m funnier –this is my blog, so please just shut up–; under the Chinese zodiac I am a mouse and she is a snake (I am the prey and she’s the predator - IMAGINE THAT!!!); she always brighten my gloomy days with her own ways.

So I spent this Christmas without these creatures called family and it was miserable. I didn’t hear laugh – not even mine–. I didn’t eat Christmas cookies – as an AT ALL –. I didn’t taste my mom’s Christmas dish. I didn’t get my dad’s Christmas bear hug. I miss you all so damn much.

xoxo                                                                            



Maria

I Thought I'm Great

Q : Do I speak good English?

A : Yes I do think so.

Q : Do I laugh when someone misspell words in English?

A : It’s a must!

Q : Is there someone thinking that I don’t have good English?

A : Only if they’re deft and illiterate

Q : Biggest compliment I’ve ever had for my English

A : Have you’ve been living abroad? You sound like someone who’s been abroad.

Q : Have I written something in English?

A : Just this blog

Q : Have I read books in English?

A : Took me decades to just finish one chapter.

Q : Will I always speak English fluently in front of people?

A : Those English words are suddenly find its way out and left my brain empty.

So I do love English and other languages, everybody knows that –at least almost everybody– I always thought my English is superb. Until last month. I shifted to a totally brand new chapter in my life. Met totally brand new faces and stories. Spends almost every weekend with a family who’s one step ahead in knowledge. They read good books in English. They absorb any information which is happening in any part of this world. And they love to discuss about it during meals, and sometimes in English. And me? Just happen to be in the middle of the meals but unfortunately not in the middle of the discussion. Thank God I’m still armed by a way out which is ‘nod your head even when you found them speaking Mars’.

This is madness!!!

Have you caught yourself in the middle of a situation where you think you are the MAN but you’re not? It sucks isn’t it? Worse than when you have to wear a very uncomfortable fabric for your underwear.

Not to mention that COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO –you’ll soon find out why I type this in capital– one of my co-workers ask me to do a favor for him to check out some of his English pre-test or so called pre-test. And I spent 2 damn weeks to only finish 60 questions about grammar and friends –now you know why I typed it in capital– that was even longer than when my cousin's planning her wedding. I even found difficulties on how to use a simple past tense. How jerk was that?

Really…really…really…and I mean really need help for this. Surely this blog is one of the help I have. Reading words in English loudly also helps. Swearing in English doesn’t help that much but it’s purifying your soul -so what the heck?!?-. Have a conversation with myself in English always been the greatest help I have at every moment.

Let’s deliver some prayer so I’m still able to say the difference between the words ‘three’ and ‘tree’ in two months from now. As the wise man said “An idle brain is the devil's workshop” – no, that proverb has nothing to do with the story, I just love it.

Anyway, just always think that there will always someone who’s better than you are then it will keep you humble, so now I know even though I always thought I’m great, but the fact is I’m not.

I’m just good.

Maria

[STILL] Dangerously in Love

This was neither an overnight thinking nor an overnight decision. It was years of process that unfortunately came with this conclusion. We broke up. There are no us anymore. Yes…I’m talking about the same man I wrote on my previous post. We gave up. And that’s when I start walking on my gloomy days.

Day 1 and Day 2 :

Spend two nights on my girlfriends’ house. Have a little chit chat about my broken heart. A bit tears. Another tears on my sleep. But I am fine –at least I thought I am fine–

Day 3 :

Back home to my empty room and the pain already find its gut to start crawl over my skin.

Day 4 :

It was Sunday as I recall. And just stare at my un-ringing phone for the whole 24 hours.

Day 5 :

First day to office –or so called office– facing everyone with empty smile.

Day 6 :

Call my Dad to share the whole story.

Day 7 :

Still no news from him.

Day 8 :

S**t sweep right through my life and realize more than ever that he’s the only one I had to calm me down when I get hysterical about something.

Day 9 :

Get furious to him, since I’m always there whenever he needs me. I am under the biggest burden ever, and I don’t have his arms to hold me and his fingers to run through my hair anymore.

Day 10 :

Have a goodbye rafting with my friends and had almost lot of fun.

Day 11 :

*Damn!! Need to change my passwords into a NON-HIM passwords..

Day 12 :

Dying to pick up my phone to say ‘how are you today?’.

Day 13 :

Erasing every marks on my calendar that says “ANNIVERSARY”, “DINNER FOR CHRISTMAS”, “BEER TO SPARK OUR NEW YEAR’S EVE RESOLUTION”, “HIS BIRTHDAY SURPRISE PARTY”, “HIS MOM’S BIRTHDAY”, “PARTY AT HIS PLACE”, “PICKING HIM UP AT THE AIRPORT”, etc, etc.

Day 14 :

Decide to find new calendar since too many marks to erase.

Day 15 :

Recall every memory I share with him in everything I see.

Day 16 :

Packing for the moving, and spend hours to decide whether I should bring stuff he gave me or not. And it really did hurt.

Day 17 :

I move to a brand new place and suppose to have a brand new start for everything yet after hours of thinking I still bring the memories and his presents with me.

Day 18 :

One of my girlfriends is legally dating someone new. Good for her. Not too good for me.

Day 19 :

He calls!!

Day 20 :

He’s having a great time with his family. It hurts so bad that I can’t even breathe knowing that I’m not part of his life anymore.

Day 21 :

My mom and dad bought me some stuff to accessorize my new place for living, and the color of every stuff they bought is accidentally green. –green is his favorite color, and I’m in the stage of trying to put that color outside of my mind–

Day 22 :

Got a message from his sister to stay away from his life for his own sake. Then I realize that he was or still is the center of my universe.

Day 23 :

Reading books about letting go, and find that it’s just bunch bull s**t.

Day 24 :

My cousin’s wedding. Not really a great place to be at when your heart is not in a good shape.

Day 25 :

He is enjoying life. Having a nice picnic with his family and friends. And I’m happy for him.

Day 26 :

Miss him like crazy that I can’t even control my tears. I cry on my mom’s lap. And realize it’s been years since the last time I have my mom’s hands to rub my back.

Day 27 :

My best friend sends me delicious pictures to cheer me up.

Day 28 :

John Mayer’s When You’re Dreaming with a Broken Heart is played at the place I work. What a not so good coincidence.

Day 29 :

Reading THE books about letting go again and starts to learn to let go.

Today :

Just read one of his statuses on a social network “I’ll always there. For her” and I burst into tears. And realize I haven’t got a chance to cry cats and dogs about my break up.

So it’s been a month - and STILL…I want to look into his deep eyes - and doing nothing - and just feel home.

Maria

Defying Gravity

When you're thrown feet away to the core of the earth you'll be at the core of the earth. That's how the gravity works. But not for me.

I'm done with tears. Done with blaming others. I've taken my time to grieve. I know anger won't change anything. Not even a bit. No matter how much I say the F word to the F people, I know it won't change anything. It won't change the decision, it won't even change the tiny useless brain of theirs. The only thing that will be changed is just me. Become worst. I don't wanna fill my life with anger -I'm already full with anger by default- This is not a bad luck. This is also not a bad story of life of mine. This is my destiny though, and it's just another chapter of my life. A chapter that will lead me to another greater story..once my friend wrote when you can't see the bright side, polish the dull side. I'll do that. No matter how easy it's gonna be. I'm not gonna let them win. This is not my fault. I don't deserve this. So I will show them the way I play this game.

I'm fine now. I know I will..if this year is really not my year...then next year is gonna be mine..

M

Mourning Period

My job placement came up and I just lost the love of my life.

I don’t know what else to write. I just lost my touch. Guess that I really need to take my time to rolled at my bed covered by tears. For a while...

Maria

Things I Want My Kids to Posses

1.    Swimming skill. I saw Jaws last weekend, and I’ve been convinced more than ever that swimming skill is definitely needed. So I will demand my kids to have swimming lesson since the very early of their age.

2.    Looking back that I don’t get along with thing named art and now dying wishing to have those kind of skill. I don’t play any music instrument, I don’t sing, I don’t draw, I don’t dance, just name it. I just don’t do art. That’s why I want at least my kids to be well heard in a karaoke room.

3.    Get up really early in the morning is soooo not my thing. Though I do know that it will do lots of good things when you’re up early. So…sorry kids mommy will want you to get up early every working or holiday mornings. –I’m still wondering how to make this happens, but since I already took the obligation to deliver them to this world so I guess I’ll let their dad teach them this–

4.    Reading. I never like reading. I only read the first paragraph and the last one. Then I make my own conclusion from the very few words I have read. Guess a reviewer is not a suitable job for me –Yes. It was my previous job. So shut up!– that’s why I want my kids to enjoy any kind of reading. –Again, I’ll let their dad take care of this–

5.    Looking for someone having their blue jeans tighten up perfectly on their long legs takes your breath away for a second. I want my kids to be the one who will take your breath away someday. –If I could, I would take this responsibility. But I can’t. Don’t ask why, I just can’t. so we’ll leave it to their dad again-

So, is there anyone who meet the requirements interest to apply?

Have a nice after holiday Thursday,

Maria

Love is Never Ugly

Delusional disorder is an uncommon psychiatric condition in which patients present with circumscribed symptoms of non-bizarre delusions, but with the absence of prominent hallucinations and no thought disorder, mood disorder, or significant flattening effect. For the diagnosis to be made, auditory and visual hallucinations cannot be prominent, though olfactory or tactile hallucinations related to the content of the delusion may be present.      –Wikipedia–

Its having voices you don’t want to hear echoing in your brain. It’s hearing things that doesn’t even there. The feeling? Must be horrible, scared, confused, weak, all together. People who never live the experience will never know how it would feel. Me neither. But I do know how it feels to have your love one living with it. You don’t see sparks in their eyes or hear love in their voice anymore. You’ll be missing the smile that makes you in love with them.

My boyfriend has it. He the one who put colors, joy, happiness, and lots of love in my life has it. It happened very sudden about two years ago. He got freak out about things near him. Telling us that there were some strange voices inside his head. He spent almost 3 weeks in hospital. Got so weak and can’t even talk, he’s just not been him self at that moment, and so was I. I got furious to any kind of other’s happiness. Cursing every happiness messenger who crossed my path. Because when sadness cast away my happiness through this without any permission, then I decided that the world needs to grieve with me. Keep asking THE ‘why is this happening’ question that I know would never have an answer. Among millions of people in this planet WHY him? Among millions of couples WHY us? And among millions of diseases found WHY it?

It’s tiring because it’s sucking your energy and every drop of it. You’re watching your built dreams collapse and there is nothing you can do about it. Back to one of my million dollar questions again, shall we? Why him? It’s not because of my selfishness that I’m asking why my boyfriend? –well at first that was all it was all about– but now my question change into why him, a man with so many dreams, so many energy, bunch of massive creativity.

When you think that this disease are not spread you are definitely wrong. It is spread. People around us got also hallucinated that my boyfriend is not good enough to be with, to be near them anymore. They pity him; get so focused to their own thought that he’s no longer somebody. Many of our best friends or “so called” best friends left us. And my Dad unfortunately got also infected. It’s sad to watch people who used to be in love with such a wonderful man as he is, is now change against him. ‘We have each other and that’s a lot’ said him. Even though there are many times we almost surrender on this fight. Mostly me. No matter how hard I stand on my own foot tried not to get swept away by a thought that there is no good anymore in this relationship, there are moments when I feel like giving up and just throw the burden away from my shoulder.

He got better, and I mean A LOT better. The smile with warm eyes and a “I love you babe” look are in the house again. He’s back, though sometimes there are moments when he needs space for his own. He even got a job. He fights a lot, been through a lot, and he survived. Thank God for that. Hope the world will change also, back like it used to be. And understand that there are still a lot of good things going on in this relationship.

We want to tell the world that this might seems like the end of the world but it’s not –though it’s too damn hard to admit that– He told me to write about him on my blog, that maybe others like him would magically read and they will know that they are not alone, and still it took me more than 2 years to have the gut.

Thanks to our true best friends, my girl friends, my sister who’s always been there with us for so long, even when some of them don’t know what really happen yet. Now you know, and please don’t change.

He taught me a lot of things during his fight and one of the most important lesson he generously share with me is to never lose hope even when you don’t see light anymore. I just wanna say to you that I know you’re exhausted in there but please don’t give up. Just don’t give up on us.

iloveu

Maria

27 Things on My Mind on My 27th Birthday

God is Kind People...God is Kind

God and I, we’ve been in quite a distant lately. He tries to talk to me in a various way and by various media. It’s just that I don’t talk back. I still go to attend the mass at His house every week. I am still touched by Him. There are many times I unconsciously cry knowing that I shouldn’t do what I am doing right now. I don't know why but I feel far from Him lately.

Last week someone stole my wallet. Then everything went blue. I got angry, disappointed, felt betrayed by everyone. The day before it happened was the first time I talk to God again after a long time. I got angry to Him. My human selfishness had suddenly occurred. When I don’t have Him for a while my life was just fine, but when I returned to Him I lost my wallet. And not to mention I had to walk on a flooded street after work last Wednesday. The street was drowned. I was drowned and angrier and sad and scare like hell.

I need 4 days to grieve. It was not just the wallet; it was the feeling of emptiness inside of me. My boyfriend said that it was the way God say hi to me, because every time He waves His hand to me whenever I meet Him in the corner every morning I didn’t even wave back. So this time when He saw me in the corner He decided to come closer and tap my shoulder a bit hard so I notice Him and talk back to Him. My boyfriend was right, on the fifth day of my grieving day I realized this. He had opened my eyes to a lot of things close to me which I haven’t able to see before. So thank Him for that.

Lessons:
1.  Be gentle to your slippers, she’s the only one you can count on on rainy days
2.  When bad things happen to you, you’ll be surprised how strangers could be so nice to you
3. People you might hate could also surprisingly turn into angels and be your shoulder to cry on –then you will decide that they’re no longer enemies–
4. Little flaws you did to your best friends really do affect them, then they will slowly hate you that they don’t even care anymore when a disaster happens to you

It is a disaster, but definitely not the end of the world and also not a reason to quit waving back at God whenever He wave at you. If it’s not for Him, I wouldn’t be standing tall here after everything which has happened in the whole last week.

Lots of love,

Maria

Louder Please!!

This is the fourth month of our On the Job Training period. We are trying to keep the boredom at bay. Some bring books to read, some try to turn their brain to find things which could add value to their days, some even read the Standard Operating Procedures of the unit we’re attached at like it was a complicated chemical formula. No matter how hard we try, the saturation begins to envelope us again like it is crawling over our skin. But we don’t give up on this, so we try so hard every single day to find something amusing around the job activity –you see the word activity is not plural because our activity really is NOT plural–. Karaoke is definitely one out of quite little choices we have. I am a person who believes that people should let out what is inside their heart. When you are happen to be an introvert kind of person, then you should find a way to express yourself. Letting what you feel inside is a thing karaoke could help. Pick a song that express your most current feeling, choose the exact way to sing it, don’t bother to think about the right key, and then just do it. Feel the magic which come from a mixture between hideous voice and a fatal key error. What’s needed to be let out will come out just as it should be.

Now I have new girlfriends to karaoke with. Our song lists? Unbelievably bizarre!! Much more bizarre than my other karaoke group –yes I also realize that bizarre always be my word for people who accompany my karaoke time (or they turn bizarre because they’ve karaoke with me?)– The way we sing? Identically to the real singer –refers to the bizarre song lists, then you know the way we sing is as bizarre as it is– (O Gosh! Do you realize I have mentioned the word bizarre 6 times?). The way we dance? No questions about that, since there was no dance except a little move on the head, and shoulders, and legs –that’s dance already anyway– it was so much fun. You can see people through a different side, their hidden side. We choose our own language to sing. When we have songs that everybody knows, then we’ll sing it together. But we definitely have our own songs to sing by our own voice, style, and absolutely our own key. Hours passed without us even realizing it. We laugh, recall a memory from the songs we sing, make fun of the ancient video clip of the old songs we choose. It was fun, huge fun. Got home after it feeling relieve and enlighten, sure it’ll also do to everyone else.

So when someone says ‘sshhh’ to someone else when they sound a bit too loud, I would say to these girls “Louder Please”.

What a Damage Too Much Pride could Cause

It’s been 14 days since my last post on this blog. This happened couple of weeks ago actually. Always having everything I want so easy makes my pride so much higher than anything. When I want something I got to have it. If I don’t want something then nothing or no one will be able to make me want it. I only see what my eyes see. What other people see I don’t really care much. I live for my own, when there is someone does something I don’t like I’ll confront them then feel bad about it then I will just don’t care. There was time when I walked with my boyfriend –one of the most caring human being I have ever met– on a sidewalk when he got furious with me. In Indonesia we walk and drive on the left side. And that moment I did walk on the left side on the sidewalk –so you notice that I walked on the right direction–, which happen to be the good part of the sidewalk –the other part was not too good to walk on to – then there was this old lady came from the opposite direction of me. When we got closer –when I say closer it means we’re already nose to nose to each other– I didn’t move an inch from where I stood, because I felt that I was on the right track, she was the one who should move to be on her right track. My boyfriend took my hand and literally lifted me to the other part of the sidewalk –the worse part one– so that old lady could walk through –ON MY TRACK–, then he said ‘why don’t you just move, she’s old and she carries groceries’. ‘It was her who should move, I’m on the right side. It was my side!’ I replied. He still stood on her back and said ‘but it will be easier for you, for both of you if you just step aside for a moment than get back on track after you passed her’ then we came on silent. I did realize how childish and selfish and what a pain in the ass I were. I got soften for a while, but when something similar to that happens again, I will spontaneously do that again. I just can’t control it.

As I mention on my previous post, my office needs to be reached by buses and walks. And when I don’t have enough strength to walk anymore after the long journey home, I would have to pay someone to take me home by his motorbike. Couple of weeks ago I did that, and the rider asked for extra 2.000 rupiah because the traffic were really bad at that time. My ego stood up first before my brain and heart could react to his statement. I went over because I didn’t want to give the extra 2.000, and I mentioned my disagreement in a not too good way of saying.

The next day, I met the man again while I was riding with his friend –they’re taking a queue to take passengers–. I looked at him and he looked at me, he smiled at me because he remembered me from the day before. I saw his eyes, and there was this look, the ‘I’m sorry I asked for that extra money the other day’ look. I felt horrible; I just knew that he didn’t mean to deceive me when he asked for that extra money. I kept my 2.000 rupiah but it really didn’t worth for the ugly feeling I felt on that day. At that moment I just wished that I had handed him that extra money. I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry. I know he wouldn’t read this but I just want to say sorry and will –I’m about to say try– change THE attitude.



Just wish me luck,


Maria

Who am I?

I am your constant companion. I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden. I will push onward or drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.

I am easily managed – you must merely be firm with me. Show me exactly how you want something done and after a few lessons I will do it automatically. I am the servant of all great individuals and, alas, of all failures, as well. Those who are great, I have made great. Those who are failures, I have made failures.

I am not a machine, though I work with all the precision of a machine plus the intelligence of a human. You may run me for a profit or urn me for ruin – it makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me, and I will place the world at your feet. Be easy with me and I will destroy you.

Who am I?

 

I am Habit.

Sean Covey – The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens –

(temporarily) IN MEMORIAM

Yesterday I went back home through the path I always take. It took me about 5 minutes walking and 3 minutes running on the street to catch a bus –makes me realize this is the only exercise I have– then an hour and fifteen minutes hanging on any grip I could find in the bus. After the experience –so called torture– in the bus is over, still have to climb the overpass to be on the side street I want.

Passing through the overpass is my favourite. I can find so many people who try to please the pedestrians with the merchandise they’re selling. I see an artist with his thick braided hair was ready to paint any ordered painting. Beside him there was a man with his friendly smile ready to sell any kind of house hold you need –we know now, no need to worry if you have a broken zipper on that overpass…he has what you need– Next to that man there was a young talkative man in blue jeans who yell –in a positive way– to everbody who pass in front of him to offer a sim card for your cell phone. There was also a lady with a lot of artificial jewelry pinned all over her outfit, showing that she sells things that will make women look sparkling in cheaper way. They are all amusing in your sore feet after the long journey home.

 When I was walking through the overpass yesterday, my eyes rolled at couple of men talking in a rush saying that they are no longer be able to sell what they’ve been selling for so long there anymore, did I mention that what they do is illegal? Yes, it’s a kind of an illegal thing to do since the overpass is a tool to cross the street and not a place to transform any men into a cadger, so by nature they are forbid to do that.

I feel sad about them, moreover I feel sad about my next walks on that overpass without them. They are not disturbing and not doing any harm. Like I said they are amusing. Want to know what is annoying and need to be exterminated from this planet?

1.People who selfishly smoke in an airconditioned room –if they wanna die fast I don’t mind, but please die alone-

2.People on a public¹ street with their blackberry, got so occupied with it yet still mind to step aside to let other people to walk through –don’t they realize that people who’s walking behind them are having a lot things to do rather than waiting for their stupid brain to be reactive to others?–

3.People who listen to songs (nothing wrong with it) but when I say LOUDLY, something is wrong right? –if the songs is ok and on the right time then it’s fine by me–

4.People who got so busy kissing someone else's ass -don't they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to kiss?-

So hopefully all of my favourite sellers are still there today when I put my step on that overpass. Expelled or not, I know sooner or later they’ll be back there again to earn some money for their own sake by pleasing us as pedestrians.

Have a great almost midday Thursday,

Maria

¹Public means everybody’s not YOURS…growp up!!!

My goodbye notes on November 25, 2010. To whom it may concerned...

This was the first goodbye note I wrote for my coworkers since I moved to a new working place -then you notice that my email address here is no longer exist-
I tried to make it simple yet still not short, but still feel that I miss a lot of things everytime I read it. I left the note without mentioned any names because I replaced names with the memories I shared with those unbelievable creatures named CORAMers.

Just so you know that goodbyes in a funny format -or in any format- is still goodbyes and it does still painfull.

Miss you guys and girls lots and lots.

Thu, November 25, 2010 5:19:50 PM

Nikmatnya hari gajian tanpa gaji...

...

From:	"mprasudayanti@... ... View Contact
To:	... more
Cc:	emmargareth@yahoo.com

---

Boooooo...mau pamitan

Makasi yaaaa atas kebersamaan kita naik turun pesawat,, naik turun kereta,,
naik  turun  mobil carpool dan mobil cabang,, naik turun taksi,, naik turun
lift,, daaannnn naik turun yang lainnya

Makasiiiii juga,,
Udah diajarin dengan sabar dan ditemeni waktu review pertama gw dulu
Udah ditemeni pijet dengan teknik meres kelapa malem2
Udah  ditemeni  liat  cabaaaang,,  hooootel,, sedikit laut daaaaaan sedikit
teluk...
Udah  ditemani  mereview  sambil  diiringi  tari-tarian  mulai  dari tarian
Jepang,, google five saaammpe tari kecak..
Udah ditemeni naik turun kendaraan darat yang klo tiduran aja cepet apalagi
klo  lari  dan  sudah  diperkenalkan jurus kodok bangkong yang menggetarkan
jiwa raga..
Udah ditemeni berburu dvd di sela-sela kesibukan mereview..
Udah  ditemeni  makan  pecel  tumpang  rasa duit kucel dan soto rasa jempol
tangan di kota tahu...
Makasi  atas  kerja  sama  yang  kurang baik dan sangat tidak membantu saat
nilep  peralatan makan di pesawat (dan sekarang semua peralatan makan hasil
curian  itu sudah ditilep lagi sama mbak kosan,, memang barang haram selalu
tidak bertahan lama)..
Udah  ditemani  melewati  lembah, menyusuri gunung dengan jalan yang sangat
menegangkan semenegangkan theme review...
Udah  ditemeni  menjelajah  tak  hanya  cabang  tapi  juga  hutan  rimba di
pedalaman Kalimantan.....
Ngerumpi  di  sela2  kejenuhan  bekerja (yang berarti 5 menit sekali maksud
gw), di tengah2 kubikal yang kosong..
Bareng-bareng  sibuk makan keripik dan minum es lidah buaya di saat opening
miting...
Bahu membahu di closing miting yang menghebohkan dunia akherat..
Merencanakan  outing dengan tema biar irit asal prihatin itu (jadi teringat
betapa  sia2-nya  perjuangan  gw  memperjuangkan  warna  biru  muda  dengan
bordiran emas dan benang jahitan merah maron untuk kaos outing itu)...
Makasih  udah  dibantuin  nyari  cara  ngeprint  di  kertas ukuran folio di
printer  yang sangat tidak user friendly itu dan tetap berakhir tanpa jalan
keluar,, dan menyebabkan ke-error-an yang sistemik...
Udah  dipersilakan  numpang singgah di kamar kosan dan digorengin siomay di
saat2 menunggu three in one..
Udah  diajakin  ngerayain  pesta  ulang  tahun bareng2 dengan kue minimalis
bergambar  Toy  Story  yang sangking senengnya sampek nggak sadar resleting
kebuka..

Makasiii ya booooo...
Sedih  deh,,  udah  kebayang betapa gw akan merindukan semua itu bareng ama
kalian  sebanyak  kerinduan  kalian  akan tas ungu metalik burberry gw yang
legendaris itu..

Dan...terima kasih kalian ceeiiwwek-ceeiiwek udah ditemenin berburu makanan
khas  di seluruh penjuru bumi pertiwi,, berburu keramik dan kristal-kristal
segede  kompor  gas  sanken,, berburu diskonan di setiap Matahari di setiap
kota  yang  kita  kunjungi,, berburu daster,, berburu tempat-tempat OK buat
poto-poto  gila  kita,,  daaaaannnnnn  berburu  head  area dan SBSM ganteng
(sssluurrrrppp...sedap  betul,,  secercah cahaya terang di tengah kekelaman
KCS yang mencekam)


Teruuuuss gw juga mau minta maaf,,
Klo  gw  pergi  meninggalkan  susunan  KCS Theme Review yang masih setengah
mateng kurang bumbu itu...
Maap  ya  gw  udah  pernah ngerepotin minjem2 CUG buat nyari sepatu gw yang
ilang (dan masih belum ketemu),,
Maap  klo  kadang2  gw  suka gak mandi di saat kita berjuang bareng mencari
sesuap  nasi  dan segenggam bonus milleage di kegelapan pagi...(dari
kalian gw mengenal pepatah baru,, mandi gak mandi asal naik pesawat)
Maap  ya  atas  perlakuan  gw  ngajak  makan  malam bareng tapi hanya untuk
akhirnya  ditelantarkan  om  gw  di  kota antah berantah dan disuruh pulang
sendiri..
Maap  juga  klo  gw suka ninggalin tidur duluan tiap udah nempel kasur atau
nempel apapun di hotel..
Dan  maap-maap ni,, klo gw suka seenak udel gak mau dititipin oleh-oleeehhh
dan  suka  ngomel  panjang  kali lebar kali tinggi pangkat 3 akar 2 kosines
157,, tiap disuruh nganterin beli titipan oleh-oleh...
Maap  buat  salah2  kata  dan  salah2 WP,, baik yang disengaja ataupun agak
disengaja..

Ayam sori juga ya klo kadang2 komentar dan mulut gw agak selalu lebih cepat
bertindak  daripada  otak gw,, tapi gw yakin kalian semua tau bahwa hati gw
sebenernya  selembut  pantat  bayi  yang  telah  diolesi baby oil jonsen en
jonsen..

Kabar-kabari  yaaa  klo  ada  apa-apa,,  gw  masih menerima panggilan untuk
traktiran  ulang  tahun,,  kawinan,,  pesta  pora,, dan hura-hura lainnya,,
terutama  klo  yang  gratis  seperti pizza time-pizza time yang lain...

Jadi  karena  yeiy yeiy pada masih punya nomer henpon yang meski bolot-nya amit-amit
tapi  mengandung unsur paling penting dalam kehidupan umat manusia terutama
kehidupan gw yaitu gretongan itu,, jadi jangan cuman miskol eik di 085x xxx xxxx ya (ingat nomor henpon itu mengandung unsur hari ulang tahun gw,, jadi jangan  lupa  kadonya  tapi  lupakanlah  traktiran  dr  gw-nya),,  dan telpon-telponlah juga setiap saat kali-kali aja gw pengen ngegosip tapi gak
punya  pulsa  buat  nelpon...atauu  email  gw  di  emmargareth@yahoo.com
(moga-moga aja wifi ilegal depan kosan gw masih bisa dibajak)...



Theme  Review,, Basic Review,, Dalam Kota,, Luar Kota,, Jalan Udara,, Jalan
Darat......Tetap SMANGAAAAATTTT!!!




Regards,
Maria Margaretha Prasudayanti

Unoccupied

Being born as a non-cooperative human being to things called active and diligent, makes myself think that everything is a piece of cake and can be done in a blink of an eye –a cuter way to say ‘do later’–
Having huge things to do in a very short of time has never been a list in my imagination. I used to do my job because I have to -without realizing how many things I learned during the process– break time becomes something I really desired.

You hate your job so hard yet you forget how many things you get from it. The payment –hell yeah– the knowledge, the experience, the satisfaction knowing that you're a part of something.

Is it a sin if I say I miss my old life –yes you're right, it's the life that I also regret when I was living it–? It's a stupidly hard not to regrets things in life. But It's insanely even harder to live between regrets after regrets.

I’m grateful for what I am today, I’m grateful for the past I’ve lived for shaping my brain into this –still not as brilliant as a man who can figure sophisticated codes in a bunch of numbers– but at least I have my own thought of every single things I experience or at least I see or hear. I’m grateful that I’m not what I think I am –a dull stupid brain– because when there are times I get unoccupied, surprisingly I turn my brain to find anything else to do to make sure that it’s making my morning valuable –trust me I’m not a morning person– That when there are days I got paid by doing nothing, I STILL feel guilty, hope it’ll last for good –the feeling not the doing nothing payment– I’m also grateful because ALSO surprisingly on this very moment I found my self –which I never thought before– to be someone who still have a willing to learn something –even just one or two–

And last night I’m no longer complaining –if sharing story of bad things happen in our day doesn’t count that :p– My regrets and my dark lonely nights are still here, but at least I do feel that it’s decreasing itself.

I don’t speak Japanese, and I never use this word before. But this morning I saw this word hanging on the wall to support my office football team. So why don’t we use this word to support our marvelous Tuesday also?

Ganbate everyone,

Maria