When I Say 'A' He Says 'Z'

He’s tall and dark. I am not tall and definitely not dark :p

He is plain. I am sometimes dramatic but normally over-dramatic.

He sings. Trust me I don’t.

He cooks. I almost cook.

He’s tidy. I’m a mess.

He cares about people and by this I mean A LOT. I do too if you define people as: me, myself and myself.

He enjoys nature. I enjoy discounts hunting in a NOT NATURE building called mall.

I want to have lunch. He would have ‘I’ll skip lunch ‘cos I’m in the middle of a game war’ on his mind.

I give standing applause to a cute portable scissor I found on the internet. He would look at me and say ‘You gotta be kidding me!!’

I would pick sleep all day on Sunday. He would drag me out of my room and say ‘let’s cook something!’

I loooooooooooveee supermarket. He only visits it when he needs to buy something NEEDED ONLY!!

I curse anyone who hates gossips. He would look at me during my gossip time with ‘It’s not good for your mental’ kind of look. –Then yes I do curse him–

Speaking of enthusiasm in life. He’s dynamite. I am just a small-tiny-bonfire.

When it comes to sport. He’s a newborn. And I’m just a post-retired athlete.

In the kitchen?...........Let’s skip this question shall we?

 

Mind to help me find any and I mean any single thing both of us have in common?

When I choose white he would pick black. When I count 2 he counts 4. When I want east he has northwest on his mind. But when I say that I am happy now; he says “me too”.

*THERE!!! Finally I’ve found something we have in common.

-M-

Drama Upil

So I never get along with the earth creature named children. Staying exactly in the same room without having direct interaction with them for half an hour is an achievement. Staying with them in the same room with direct interaction for 5 minutes is a victory.

I have cousins, small-tiny-little-never stops moving-cry a lot-cousins. And it was literally fun to be around. But then it feels like there always be a referee who will blow the whistle and say ‘Time’s up!! It’s 5 minutes already’

So anyway, I never knew how to use my brain to find words to speak to them. I never even knew how to move any muscle in my eyebrow, my lips, my cheekbone, and my eyes so they can be children friendly.

Before today, I hang out with bunch of girlfriends with babies but minus their babies if you know what I’m saying. Here, I need to get along with girl co-workers AND guy co-workers with babies PLUS their babies.

So this drama begins..

Waktu itu kayaknya hari Sabtu deh, soalnya kami berencana berenang bareng. Pas ada long weekend tu, dimana semua temen-temen gw yang bujangan pada pulang kampung. Tinggalah gw dan para ibu-ibu muda ini. Janjian jam 8, gw? Baru bangun jam 8 lebih seperempat. Trus ke tempat temen gw dan mesti nunggu dia sarapan dan ngurusin si dedek dulu. Jam 9 kami baru berangkat dan langsung kepikiran kayaknya olahraga berenang kami kali ini udah sepaket ama layanan tanning paksa.

Anaknya lucu cuman seperti biasa gw gak pernah bisa jadi favorit para anak-anak ini. Gak bisa tiba-tiba memasang tampang excited seperti halnya  waktu gw melihat papan besar bertuliskan 70% DISCOUNT saat melihat ada anak kecil dari kejauhan yang lagi digendong emaknya. Biasanya si yang gw sapa ya mamanya (klo gw kenal), dan biasanya lagi klo ada anak kecil yang berjalan mengarah ke gw dari jauh atau ketangkap mata lagi ngeliatin gw biasanya gw langsung pura-pura nggak liat. Daripada mesti senyum-senyum gak jelas sampe gigi kering gara-gara ngeladenin tu anak kecil yang gw heran selalu staring at something for at least 4 or 5 minutes.

Nah seinget gw waktu itu posisi gw menunggu adalah ngelesot di kasur depan nyaris terlelap karena harusnya hari sabtu tu semua saraf-saraf yang mendukung gw bangun pagi udah di switch off. Tiba-tiba terdengarlah teriakan si dedek….’Tanteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…’ dan kayaknya yang layak dipanggil tante saat itu cuman gw si. Gak mungkin si pembantu naik derajat pemanggilan jadi tante, atau mamanya yang turun derajat pemanggilan. Langsung spontan gw bangun dengan semangat bukan 45 juga si…jarang-jarang gw jadi pusat perhatian anak kecil –meski sebenernya agak berat hati menerima panggilan tante itu…tapi karena nature ‘teman mama’ selalu dipanggil tante…yaudin lah–.

Anyway…lanjuuutttt…pas gw nengok sambil mengibaskan rambut dengan gerakan slow motion dan dahi mengernyit cantik seperti halnya di sinetron saat sang pemeran utama ketemu saudara kembar yang dia tidak pernah tau keberadaannya sebelumnya di tengah pasar … tampaklah itu adegan si dedek berlari ke arah gw sambil tangan kanan terjulur ke depan seperti atlet lari marathon yang sedang membawa obor Olimpiade. Dalam hati gw girang banget ‘buseeeettt bukan hanya dia manggil gw tapi ni bocah mau kasih gw sesuatuuuuuuuu…MEEEJJJIIIIKKKK!!!’

Karena gw gak pakek kacamata jadi agak bolor mata gw…barang segede upil di tangan dia beneran masih belum kelihatan jelas. Makin dekat dia berlari masih belum kelihatan juga…akhirnya gw gak sabar buat teriak nanya ke dia seraya menyambutnya dalam pelukan. Dan dia menjawab ‘Ini tanteeee…upilku!!!’ HELL TO THE NO!! Barang segede upil di tangannya tadi itu…………..ternyata memang UPIL. Langsung lemes, dan gw langsung melipat tangan yang sudah gw kembangkan untuk memeluknya tadi. Untung ni bocah rem-nya pakem. Muka suram meski tak sesuram muka gw semalem sewaktu menemukan DVD Player gw (baca: satu-satunya hiburan yang gw miliki) rusak…..sambil menjawab ‘ih sumpe de…klo cuman upil mah tante juga punya’.

So as the wise man said ‘You pay monkey, you get monkey’ so when I pay no attention to children then they will pay me ‘THAT MUCH’ also.

Now I really do enjoy being around children. My 5 minutes limitation? Make it double now. I do enjoy babysit them in the swimming pool while their mom is having shower (this happen once but trust me this will sound like a miracle from heaven to everyone who know me watching me doing that). It’s not that I hate children; I love them. I do. But I’d love them more when they’re not around. I do always enjoy buying cute things for them though. And I always amazed by things they’re able to do. But I’m amazed more than ever that those guy co-workers I’ve mentioned before loooooovvveeeeee children A LOT. Then this children tenses shift of mine had suddenly occurred.

My Children Tenses	Reason	Caution
Before Today :	When I don’t get attention from children because they pay more attention to my other friend	Thank God I’m apart from the obligation of looking after them.
After Today :		I AM jealous.

So kids…I’ve changed the sign on my forehead from BEWARE to ALMOST CHILDREN FRIENDLY. So enjoy! Ha ha..

The Almost Children Friendly

-M-