Unoccupied

Being born as a non-cooperative human being to things called active and diligent, makes myself think that everything is a piece of cake and can be done in a blink of an eye –a cuter way to say ‘do later’–
Having huge things to do in a very short of time has never been a list in my imagination. I used to do my job because I have to -without realizing how many things I learned during the process– break time becomes something I really desired.

You hate your job so hard yet you forget how many things you get from it. The payment –hell yeah– the knowledge, the experience, the satisfaction knowing that you're a part of something.

Is it a sin if I say I miss my old life –yes you're right, it's the life that I also regret when I was living it–? It's a stupidly hard not to regrets things in life. But It's insanely even harder to live between regrets after regrets.

I’m grateful for what I am today, I’m grateful for the past I’ve lived for shaping my brain into this –still not as brilliant as a man who can figure sophisticated codes in a bunch of numbers– but at least I have my own thought of every single things I experience or at least I see or hear. I’m grateful that I’m not what I think I am –a dull stupid brain– because when there are times I get unoccupied, surprisingly I turn my brain to find anything else to do to make sure that it’s making my morning valuable –trust me I’m not a morning person– That when there are days I got paid by doing nothing, I STILL feel guilty, hope it’ll last for good –the feeling not the doing nothing payment– I’m also grateful because ALSO surprisingly on this very moment I found my self –which I never thought before– to be someone who still have a willing to learn something –even just one or two–

And last night I’m no longer complaining –if sharing story of bad things happen in our day doesn’t count that :p– My regrets and my dark lonely nights are still here, but at least I do feel that it’s decreasing itself.

I don’t speak Japanese, and I never use this word before. But this morning I saw this word hanging on the wall to support my office football team. So why don’t we use this word to support our marvelous Tuesday also?

Ganbate everyone,

Maria