We don't have a date,
so I made this card just to say thank you...

Ms. Good Intention with Lousy Execution

I once wrote that I don’t do art. I enjoy art but I just don’t do art. But lately I have spent pennies. Lots of those. To buy me a wonderful yet I don’t even know why I bought it kind of hand craft tools. Hand crafting is an art right?

I do paper quilling. Knitting. Cross stitching. I also get myself a cooking book. I even bought some stuff to make my own batik. I know I am unbelievably unexpected slash a tiny little bit creative slash stupid slash wanting too much. There’s just so many things going on in my head and that doesn’t make me feel comfy with my life and it needs to get out of there. So rather than drinking and doing drugs I chose hand crafting.

  

  Some of those tools are not expensive which I realize more than ever that this is the reason why I spent more that I’m already budgeted. Because it’s not expensive than I think it wouldn’t be considered as a sin if I buy one or two more of it –or three or four. Or five– that when the bill come I am shocked.

  So here’s the progress of my latest project: 

1. Cross stitching: I already made 4 of it and have 3 as my ongoing work including 1 for my mom’s birthday present.
2. Cooking: am still trying to find the ingredient for my recipe. 
3. Knitting: stopped at first layer since the downloaded tutorial video gets so stingy and decided to stop at first layer only –oh I’m mistaken myself, it was an expert tutorial. Of course it stopped at layer one– (then I just lost interest to find any tutorial for beginner). That’s why I’ll take knitting course on my next Christmas holiday. 
4. Batik making: struggle to find a crew since THE backache and headache and sore eyes are in ‘da house as if I am a 90 years old grandmother. I am also taking batik class for my next Christmas holiday. 
5. Paper Quilling: I made one or two handmade cards, for my friend’s baby’s birthday, for my friend’s new house, for my friend’s wedding. Proud of the results but not proud of the idea since I still need back up from a guy called Google for examples. Aaannnd I have a huge help for the finishing that’s why these cards are brought into reality and not just stay in fantasy as some of the other project.

  I am finding another new things to live the day. Right now I am picturing myself:

1. Holding my finished beautiful handmade batik, and rushing to the tailor to make it as a skirt –see!! I am futuristic *hahhahha I wish*, I think of details..people!! Instead of making just batik I thought about the pattern and the finishing goods of it–;
2. handing THE handmade cross stitch on my mom’s birthday; 
3. proudly present a very nice scarf if sweater is too much as the final result of my knitting for my love one; 
4. and not to mention standing on my own snack booth that me and my friend has planned.

God!! Imagine how beautiful life would be. I am full of interest yet when someone says amen of my word and ask me to join them for a ride to live up my idea I would say no –no wonder my girlfriend fed up and left me. *and I do miss her big time*–

So I have a lot of good intention but I execute it not too well. Hope it’ll stop. There are just moments when I lay down on my bed and imagining myself doing a lot of stuff. From rereading my college books to just brushing my teeth. Wake up girl!! None of them are gonna happen without the real brain, hands, feet, and body of yours.

I need me.

My hands are just soooo full right now. Nothing wrong with it. Just let THE 100% Maria support Maria 100%.

-maria

When Going to A Movie is a Luxury

It’s been almost a year I live in an island with no:

1. Movie theaters 
2. Malls 
3. Franchise fast foods 
4. Franchise supermarkets 
5. Franchise restaurants 
6. Franchise beauty shop or any other franchises, just name it

When we want to have them, we need to get to the island next to this. Of course with extra cash for:

1. A round trip ferry boat ticket 
2. Taxi to deliver you from the seaport to the place and back to the seaport

The money you cost for that extra is waaaaaaaaayyy higher than the money you cost for your main purpose. Then movie theatre really is a luxury here. You start to lose your sight for the latest movie played and talked in the entire world.

I’m not a big fan of a movie theatre but when there are moments when you don’t really into some movie but this movie is the final sequel and you’ve already watched all the prequels, or this just a common movie but everybody is talking about it. So like it or not it is a must seen movie. You just don’t want to sit there in the middle of a conversation with your fellas with your mouth open and the look in your eyes says ‘what the heck are this entire people talking about?’ –Trust me, people who do that when you’re talking about something is a real life pain in the ass–

I just had that kind of movie ping moment last week. It was really hard to find a right time to go to a movie since beside the extra money you also need extra 2 hours to get there. You do remember when I talked about extra money right? That factor makes us draw as much agenda as we possibly could do when we get there. Just like the wise man said ‘killing two birds –or more– with one stone’ haha –it is the refined version of budget effectiveness–

Humans!!

You used to hate traffic jam; running through the sidewalk snatching taxi; queuing on the ticket box on a movie theatre or on some crowded restaurant which still able to make you willing to wait hours for a table; driving around the parking lot for hours just to wish any luck to get a parking spot in a mall; breaking through bunch of people in discount hunting.

It’s funny when you have a life far away from the city crowd. You’ll have these much time to deliberate with yourself. Then you just realize it more than ever. That you. Miss. THE city crowd. Real bad. ahahahahhaha.

You really don’t miss your water ‘till the well runs dry do you?

Have a wonderful holiday everybody!!

-maria-

Neither To Be Ignored Nor To Be Allowed To Interfere Too Much

I live in an era where you can wash your hands and make them germ free without any soap and water; that when you clap your hands one time you can turn on the light in your room and when you clap it two times you can flush your toilet.

When I have kids I want them to be an astronaut where they can literally put their footsteps on the moon and to find every reasonable explanation what is going on in places other than the earth, I want them to be a doctor where they can provide scientific solution for every human body condition even when they’re spitting nails. I always want scientific explanation for everything –even just a boyfriend coming late; scientific explanation is still required–

But somehow; somewhat; sometimes I am superstitious.

It’s hard to not think that superstition things are exist when you live in a tradition where I come from. We count birth date of a couple who wants to get married to determine their wedding date. My grandmother burned my favorite blue jean to repel bad luck because that jean was the one I wore when I fell from my motorbike which causes a small tiny little injury on my left ankle. When there is any eyelash falling out we consider it as someone out there is missing us then I would pick them and put it on my hair so the person who misses me will miss me eternally.

Just a couple of weeks ago I found out that my best friend’s mom was diagnosed for a pancreas tumor. The night before she had her surgery I dreamt that I lost one of my front teeth in which it would be interpreted as the dreamer will face someone’s death. And I swear it felt so real. I got freak out and called my boyfriend which he didn’t pick up; I texted my friend which he didn’t text me back; I called my sister and she also didn’t pick up the phone. I got scared even more. But it was nothing, not even a hint. Because I forgot the fact that I called and texted them on 3 AM in the morning and it was a weekday..ha..ha..

So everybody is fine, my mom and dad are fine, my sister is fine, people that I care are fine, the surgery went well. Thank God. And hopefully the surgery will do just fine for her.

I haven’t said a lot of prayer lately. Which I know that will always be the reason I’m having the irrational thought. I got scared of tiny little unimportant things, because I don’t have a strong enough barrier for my faith. That I would easily sweep by my own thought which most of the time I found that I always have a bizarre way of thinking.

Don’t ignore them too selfishly. Just use them as a warning for the path you will choose. But have faith that He’s up there watching and never sleeps. Besides that, we have to admit that it always fun to say “It’s a sign!” isn’t it?

-maria-

Crazy Little Thing Called Me

So lately :

1. There’s just too many things going on in my head
2. I’m furious to a huge number of small things 
3. It feels like I wanna get out of myself just to see am I really being awkward as everybody says or it’s just them 
4. The feeling of ‘I need to be good so I can be legally cocky’ get even stronger 
5. I’m dying for girlfriends who can slap me in the face and tell me that I’m acting bitch and need to change 
6. I don’t fit my environment 
7. I clean up –how messy is that?!?– 
8. I forget when was the last time I had my goodnight sleep 
9. I’m broke 
10. I cancelled my karaoke time 
11. I lost my wedding gut again 
12. I want to have my own vehicle 
13. I cry more than ever 
14. I don’t have any new pair of shoes for the pass NINE FREAKING MONTHS 
15. I don’t have any new bags for ALSO nine freaking months –correction. I had new bag last month. But it was a GIIIIFFFFTTT– 
16. My monthly period has gone but the PMS still attached to me 
17. I start to care about others but then 5 minutes after that I found out that others don’t give a s**t about me so then I hate myself for doing that 
18. I need to be selfish again 
19. Awry is the best word to describe my feeling for everything 
20. I dream of a finance minister but my effort is even lower than the 5^th grade 
21. I beg for a better task. But when it comes I beg my boss to take it back 
22. I do still think that other is stupid  but the truth is I am
23. I got confused on a simple mathematical explanation but when I finally get it at the end of the 100^th explanation I still think that the mistake is on the formula AND the presenter. Just not me 
24. I scream my thought too loud 
25. I am still not being able to join the ‘social smiler’ group. I don’t smile when I found that there is no reason for me to smile at any occasion even when I need to impress someone 
26. I HATE. I mean this. I HATE the words ‘NEVER MIND’ a lot!! 
27. I hate people who’s being ignorance to what happen around them 
28. I dream of impossible. I want the world to have the same page in mind as I am 
29. I don’t call home for weeks 
30. To conclude all those points: I’m a real life pain in the ass 

-m-

I heard it and It Slaps Me in the Face

1.    We learnt something about human behavior that day. You feel sad when your friend fails. But when your friend succeed you’ll feel even more sad –3 Idiots–

It’s just that I always get everybody’s attention probably since the very first time I enter this world. That’s why any creature on this earth that doesn’t give a damn on me needs to be vanquished. And trust me this isn’t nice. I don’t celebrate my friends’ success. I weep when someone could make a better orange juice than me. I say ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ to someone but somehow my heart smile. That’s evil and disgusting.

2.    Nothing more precious than a friendship that endures. –Mary Alice Young–

I agree. I just lost a girlfriend. My mistake. She said she was relieving that she can find new friends to replace the old ones. And it broke my heart. I really don’t wanna be just somebody she used to know. I once called her a couple of days ago and the conversation just went not quite as usual.

3.    Never Extend Any Errors

I quote that from Om Felix. He said that that is the main ingredient if you want to have a long lasting relationship. And I don’t do such a thing like that. I extend every error. Every tiny little flaw my partner did. I close my eyes with one flaw that I couldn’t see thousands of amazing things he has ever done for me. I remember when he cancelled our appointment to go to this new laundry around the neighborhood every single second I have with him, but I totally forget when he made me bread toast and put it on my office desk for my Monday breakfast, when he instantly slid down from his floor to mine to bring me mineral water and tissue because I just texted him that my floor has ran out of water and toilet paper, when he calls and just made my day. And I am totally a b***h for that. I’m deeply sorry.

4.    When it comes to relationship I don’t enter it. I’m riding it. –Lynette Scavo–

I do that. I’m a control freak. And unfortunately for my partner I bring that bad habit along with me on a relationship. That God may help him when he’s having a disagreement with me. I get ballistic whenever my desire isn’t being fulfilled. And I don’t even bother to listen to what he wants when it’s not what I want.

5.    Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a very nice pair of shoes that will make you happy. –Some commercial in a shopping arcade–

Couldn’t agree more!!!

I’m not proud of THIS part of myself –I mean except quote number 5 of course– And I’m sorry for everyone that has passed with this shape of Maria. I truly am.

Now I realize that I’m not the only citizen of this planet; that I live with and will surely need someone else; that I would like to see happiness in the eyes of someone I love and not just the ‘you gotta be kidding me’ kind of look. There’s just so many great things people have generously do for me, which bring joy and things I need –even when it’s just a warm nice giant fat comforting bear hug– I thank you all. Just wish me luck on this transformation will you. :D

-maria-

I Am a Woman

As generally speak, woman is a female human, who has their own world. Their own way of thinking. Their own understanding of everything. Their own strength to face life. And their own complexity. Such as the words we use for several terms, which drives the opposite of our sex crazy. Male!! Hmf…what do they know about words picking. :p

The word ‘lucu’ –that’s in Bahasa– or cute in English –trust me I really did my research :p and cute is one of the English words for ‘lucu’–, has been a hot subject on my after work discussion lately. This topic took its place in our conversation and until this moment we haven’t share any agreement why women use this adjective to describe something which men thinks we should only say ‘bagus’ –that’s also in Bahasa– or just simply nice.

‘Lucu’ is the word you describe for something that makes you laugh. And cute little things you found when you do your window shopping ritual doesn’t really make you laugh, that’s why my male conversation partner thinks that we should just call it nice instead of cute.

Well actually I never knew this term before I moved to the capital of this country. Back home I used to say nice or ‘bagus’ when I see something nice. I don’t know when was this doctrine has caught my ears and my soul. Everyone (read. Every girl and also almost every boy –these are real men we’re talking here–) in that city speak this language. Then I found you can’t find any other words than CUTE to describe a very wonderful stuff you see –STILL. It does stand for LUCU in Bahasa–. Man and woman really do speak exactly the same words but totally different meaning. So what? No rules regulating on this. And it’s definitely not a sin. That’s just the way we are.

Back to Cute –AGAIN!! It stands for LUCU in Bahasa– :p. Same word different meaning. Spoken by the same species yet different gender. Heard by the same earth creature yet different way of understanding. It’s the beauty of diversity. Men sometimes confused by women and vice versa. So be it! Many times I got pissed by other woman way of thinking also. I really don’t have any explanation for this. Let’s not judge one way to another. Let’s try to change our paradigm. To understand others –though this is a common term in which I still don’t believe that it could be done by ME–. It’s the only solution for this. Trust me, me and my girlfriend have tried hundreds of different explanation to our male conversation partners for this and vice versa. And still, none of us have put our feet in the same shoes for this. But I swear to God I’ll fight for this word cute which ALWAYS stand for ‘Lucu’ in Bahasa in sickness and health, ‘till death do us apart…xixiixxixiixiii

Funny or cute little things you found doesn’t need to be perfectly symmetric, it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece of a famous great artist, it doesn’t have to be expensive, it doesn’t need to have any utility for the greater good. It’s just being cute because that’s just their nature. It is cute because it makes your heart beat faster than before; because it makes your eyes glow when you look at it; and mostly because it makes you gasp the very moment you spotted it and you spontaneously hold your breath for a while just to give a chance for your lung to save more oxygen to say a nice and long ‘O –pause– My –pause– God –pause– That –pause– Is –pause– So –pause– CUTE!’ and here I officially translate ‘Yak –jeda– Ampun –jeda– LUCU –jeda– Banget –jeda– Sumpah!’ *huge-giant-fat-grin* :D 

PS. I don’t receive any comment for this post. No heart feeling. Just womanly speaking…ha…ha…

Have a marvelous weekend

 -M-