It’s been 14 days since my last post on this blog. This happened couple of weeks ago actually. Always having everything I want so easy makes my pride so much higher than anything. When I want something I got to have it. If I don’t want something then nothing or no one will be able to make me want it. I only see what my eyes see. What other people see I don’t really care much. I live for my own, when there is someone does something I don’t like I’ll confront them then feel bad about it then I will just don’t care. There was time when I walked with my boyfriend –one of the most caring human being I have ever met– on a sidewalk when he got furious with me. In Indonesia we walk and drive on the left side. And that moment I did walk on the left side on the sidewalk –so you notice that I walked on the right direction–, which happen to be the good part of the sidewalk –the other part was not too good to walk on to – then there was this old lady came from the opposite direction of me. When we got closer –when I say closer it means we’re already nose to nose to each other– I didn’t move an inch from where I stood, because I felt that I was on the right track, she was the one who should move to be on her right track. My boyfriend took my hand and literally lifted me to the other part of the sidewalk –the worse part one– so that old lady could walk through –ON MY TRACK–, then he said ‘why don’t you just move, she’s old and she carries groceries’. ‘It was her who should move, I’m on the right side. It was my side!’ I replied. He still stood on her back and said ‘but it will be easier for you, for both of you if you just step aside for a moment than get back on track after you passed her’ then we came on silent. I did realize how childish and selfish and what a pain in the ass I were. I got soften for a while, but when something similar to that happens again, I will spontaneously do that again. I just can’t control it.
As I mention on my previous post, my office needs to be reached by buses and walks. And when I don’t have enough strength to walk anymore after the long journey home, I would have to pay someone to take me home by his motorbike. Couple of weeks ago I did that, and the rider asked for extra 2.000 rupiah because the traffic were really bad at that time. My ego stood up first before my brain and heart could react to his statement. I went over because I didn’t want to give the extra 2.000, and I mentioned my disagreement in a not too good way of saying.
The next day, I met the man again while I was riding with his friend –they’re taking a queue to take passengers–. I looked at him and he looked at me, he smiled at me because he remembered me from the day before. I saw his eyes, and there was this look, the ‘I’m sorry I asked for that extra money the other day’ look. I felt horrible; I just knew that he didn’t mean to deceive me when he asked for that extra money. I kept my 2.000 rupiah but it really didn’t worth for the ugly feeling I felt on that day. At that moment I just wished that I had handed him that extra money. I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry. I know he wouldn’t read this but I just want to say sorry and will –I’m about to say try– change THE attitude.
Just wish me luck,
Maria
Just wish me luck,
Maria
