'Cause it's a beautiful night
We're looking for something dumb to do
Hey baby I think I wanna marry you
-Bruno Mars-
If it was as easy as the song lyrics above. Then I guess I would still not be married yet. I do dream of a wedding. But not for now. Being a wife, then being a mom, running a family, thinking of someone else other than yourself sound like opulence to me for now. Which I still don’t have a room for it in my brain yet. When I am surrounded by my marriage friends, hears their happy stories about their marriage life than yes I do want to get married as an NOW. But when I get back to my room and alone, then suddenly those desire vanished along with the air. That somehow I am enjoying my solitude.
Because marriage is not a bus route. That when you don’t like one route you can debark and change your route or you can take reroute if you think you’ve gone too far. Can’t do the same to your wedding, that when one day you feel that you are not in the mood anymore, sadly you can’t debark from your life and take the reverse route.
Last Saturday, I was alone with my TV watching my almost favorite TV serials. Accidentally everybody is getting married in those episodes of those serials. Wedding ping is the theme of the day I guessed. Nice-and-beautiful-and-cute-and-EASY-and-no need to bark to your parents about your future husband-and-no need to think about money-and-no need to get along with both families first-and-no need to collide with tradition-and-just smile-kind of wedding. THE movies kind of wedding. Then my wedding gut suddenly woken up.
I do want to get married. Badly. As I’ve said before. It’s just that it’s really hard to picturing this SEL to the FISH Maria in a place where she comes second and everything comes first. I know I don’t have to do everything alone. I have a spouse and he is supposed to be a partner in every spot in the house. I know ‘I will love you in sickness and health, in richer and poorer’ in our vow also includes cutting grass and put your dirty socks in order please!
I BELIEVE or let’s say I IMAGINE that I won’t have to do the dishes by my own, or make up the bed rooms alone, or vacuumed the carpets as if I’m in love with the vacuum cleaner, or cut the grass in the yard just accompanied by the scissors, or throw the garbage as if no one else would care, or clean up the bath room while my husband and children are watching TV. But at least I need to supervise it right? That’s what wives do. SU-PER-VISE. I need to make sure that everything’s done well. So how could I possibly do that if I still want to get up late on a lazy-beautiful-sunny-don’t need to meet your boss-no deadline-Saturdays or Sundays or other holidays? Because getting up late in those kind of days would be regarded as ‘me comes first’ category which is NOT GOOD when you are married to someone especially when you two have produced cute little babies who need you to get up early to take care of them.
What would it feel to have a husband? To love someone ‘till death do you apart? To eat, to sleep, to wake up, to watch TV, with exactly the same guy? Every single day. The guy who you hate when he snores; when he worship football match; when he’s in love with his computer; when he told you to get up early; when he hates your disorganized room; when he asked you to hang out with friends while you wanna drawn yourself in your warm blanket and a full set of DVDs. And this guy is also the guy who you love when he look deep into your eyes and say nothing and that is enough to make you feel special; when he is willingly sacrifice his diet to accompany you in a dinner; when he give cute candles on a valentines day; when he took you driving around the city until 4 o’clock in the morning just to hold you for not going on a trip without him; when he’s always there whenever you need him. It should be fun right? Instead of 2 you have 4 hands and 4 legs and instead of 1 you have 2 heads now –though one of my friends says that your problem is also doubled indeed–
I still don’t think I’m ready for a wedding. But I think I’ll start to prepare myself now. I’ll make my big day special. And the day after that much more special. I wanna make myself as the happiest wife on earth and vice versa. When that day come I don’t wanna look back and say –as most of my friends do– ‘I miss my single life’ *knockonthewood. I don’t wanna debark from my life and wishing I could take the reverse route. I wanna get married because I choose to be. Because the factor in my marriage is simply just me and my future husband and the willing of both of us to spend the rest of our lives together. Because something’s telling me that he’s the one. And because something’s telling me that I’m the one for him.
Days before today ‘Haven’t crossed my mind yet’ would always be the answer I gave whenever anyone asked me about wedding. But now, wedding? Weeeeeelllllll…ooookaaaaaayyy it is something to be put in my agenda and start to think to prepare the pennies.
Way to go girl!!
-m-
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