4.27.2012

I Am a Woman


As generally speak, woman is a female human, who has their own world. Their own way of thinking. Their own understanding of everything. Their own strength to face life. And their own complexity. Such as the words we use for several terms, which drives the opposite of our sex crazy. Male!! Hmf…what do they know about words picking. :p

The word ‘lucu’ –that’s in Bahasa– or cute in English –trust me I really did my research :p and cute is one of the English words for ‘lucu’–, has been a hot subject on my after work discussion lately. This topic took its place in our conversation and until this moment we haven’t share any agreement why women use this adjective to describe something which men thinks we should only say ‘bagus’ –that’s also in Bahasa– or just simply nice.

‘Lucu’ is the word you describe for something that makes you laugh. And cute little things you found when you do your window shopping ritual doesn’t really make you laugh, that’s why my male conversation partner thinks that we should just call it nice instead of cute.

Well actually I never knew this term before I moved to the capital of this country. Back home I used to say nice or ‘bagus’ when I see something nice. I don’t know when was this doctrine has caught my ears and my soul. Everyone (read. Every girl and also almost every boy –these are real men we’re talking here–) in that city speak this language. Then I found you can’t find any other words than CUTE to describe a very wonderful stuff you see –STILL. It does stand for LUCU in Bahasa–. Man and woman really do speak exactly the same words but totally different meaning. So what? No rules regulating on this. And it’s definitely not a sin. That’s just the way we are.

Back to Cute –AGAIN!! It stands for LUCU in Bahasa– :p. Same word different meaning. Spoken by the same species yet different gender. Heard by the same earth creature yet different way of understanding. It’s the beauty of diversity. Men sometimes confused by women and vice versa. So be it! Many times I got pissed by other woman way of thinking also. I really don’t have any explanation for this. Let’s not judge one way to another. Let’s try to change our paradigm. To understand others –though this is a common term in which I still don’t believe that it could be done by ME–. It’s the only solution for this. Trust me, me and my girlfriend have tried hundreds of different explanation to our male conversation partners for this and vice versa. And still, none of us have put our feet in the same shoes for this. But I swear to God I’ll fight for this word cute which ALWAYS stand for ‘Lucu’ in Bahasa in sickness and health, ‘till death do us apart…xixiixxixiixiii

Funny or cute little things you found doesn’t need to be perfectly symmetric, it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece of a famous great artist, it doesn’t have to be expensive, it doesn’t need to have any utility for the greater good. It’s just being cute because that’s just their nature. It is cute because it makes your heart beat faster than before; because it makes your eyes glow when you look at it; and mostly because it makes you gasp the very moment you spotted it and you spontaneously hold your breath for a while just to give a chance for your lung to save more oxygen to say a nice and long ‘O –pause– My –pause– God –pause– That –pause– Is –pause– So –pause– CUTE!’ and here I officially translate ‘Yak –jeda– Ampun –jeda– LUCU –jeda– Banget –jeda– Sumpah!’ *huge-giant-fat-grin* :D 



PS. I don’t receive any comment for this post. No heart feeling. Just womanly speaking…ha…ha…





Have a marvelous weekend



 -M-

4.16.2012

Gigantic Thank You



I am the most selfish human being I have ever known in my entire life. I don’t do socialization kind of thing. I don’t like to bother someone else’s matter as much as I don’t like them to bother mine. I’m just not good at pretending to be interesting to every conversation with other people as some might blessed with that kind of ability –trust me conversation with other is interested me ONLY when I’m the one who speak–

Then these creatures suddenly jump up into my life out of nowhere –well actually I jumped up into their town– And I have to bust my ass to keep up with them. They socialize. A LOT. Since I know no one else here, following their activity sounds like a good idea.

We were just met, never known each other before. And I found that I am always having a huge trouble in a new community. To me, being around new people is exactly as uncomfortable as leaving your house without your deodorant. It stinks. Normally I’ll drag myself out of it and find a corner where I can peacefully sit and rejoin my solitude. But miraculously I didn’t do that. I enjoy every second I have with them. I never thought that caring others could be this fun.

Last month was my birthday. And I was positive that I would celebrate it accompany only by phone calls from my far far away family and old friends. But I didn’t. I celebrated it with bunch of new friends –they are THE creatures I’ve mentioned above–; in a beach; in the rain; without lights; without umbrellas; but with lots of happiness. I even had a birthday cake!!! And I got a birthday present, a nice and pink and need to wait to be worn OUTFIT –to whoever responsible for this present, that is the only description I’m allowed to share in a public blog– :p

That's me.


That's the Birthday Cake.


That's the beauty of revenge


That's not a birthday ritual. That's just him being nice. And me being ugly.


That's the prove of the atrocity that dawn.


That's them


So as Jacob Bohm says “There’s an ancient Chinese myth about the red thread of faith.  It says that the Gods have tied a red thread around every one of our ankles and attached to it are all the people whose lives we are destined to touch.  This thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break.” So mine and these people’s ankles are apparently tied up one to another. They have touched and saved me. If you’ve read my other posts about my moving to this place, you’ll know I will give anything I have to keep me out of the place I live right now. I puke every morning during tooth brushing on the first months of moving. Now I know pregnancy is not the only factor that can deliver morning sick into your door. Stress has the honor to do that also. Trust me. I’ve been there. But these people turn every headache, tears, despair, those morning sick wanna be of mine into something people might call surreal and I thank all of them for that. I wish I can add something nice to their life too as much as what they had added into mine. I am lucky that my ankles are attached to so many good people. My girlfriends who always there whenever I need a hand to lift me up when I feel low even we live thousand miles away from each other right now.

I probably missed many faces on my birthday this year. To be honest this year is the first birthday I have without my mom and dad’s hugs. But I’m truly blessed I have new faces I see here which allow me to have a warm feeling on my birthday as warm as my parent’s birthday bear hugs





-M-

3.26.2012

When Maria is Not Margaretha Prasudayanti

People say live up your imagination so at least you’ll have some place to run when you feel like enough in your real life.

In real life I work for ministry of finance in my country and placed in a suburb area. My daily routines sometimes driving me nuts. I am single. I rent a room in the city I live where all this imagination also takes part.

So as I’ve told before, I don’t have lot of girlfriends. But I do have complete enough girlfriend to fulfill any of the circumstances I need to be at. When nice buts gentlemen pass my path I have someone to enjoy that kind of so called blessed. When I live in my imaginary world they all will happily join me.

In our imagination world we are a mother of two. My son is 7 years old named Banyu. And my little girl is 4 years old and her name is Nico (named after my favorite character in a TV serial). My husband’s name is Papa Banyu –so that would technically make me Mama Banyu–

We have incredible pets. My husband has Babooshka, a whale which always thinks that she’s slim enough to be a chameleon. So she would’ve asked us to paint her with different color whenever she sees any object that she likes. Nico has a cute giant sea turtle she calls Bigo. Like Babooshka, Bigo also has an odd thought about his existence. He is obsessed to be a backstroke swimmer –can you imagine that?!?– and last but not least, my little boy has a beautiful-amazing-noisy-never stop pooing– peacock which he calls Hombre –my family really does obsessed by peculiar pets; wait ‘till you visit my friend’s house and found a baboon as her pet–

I and Mama Ello –that’s my friend’s alias in this imagination town– live in a beautiful housing area. My house is 7 acres width –so it’s able to provide a very comfortable pool for Babooshka and Bigo; and a wide enough park for Hombre–

So this is exactly what we do as our imaginary daily activities:
  1. We own the neighborhoods. So we pick nice and yummy gentlemen ONLY; to be our neighbor
  2. We walk the kids to their school while they’re riding their bicycles.
  3. On Wednesday and Friday we took the kids to their 'Pencak Silat' class.
  4. On Monday I took Nico to her swimming practice.
  5. On Thursday we took the boys to their soccer practice.
  6. We sent our kids to South Africa to be the player escort for the 2010 world cup.
  7. When we get bored we will sent the kids somewhere and traveling to Bogota.
  
What a life imagination!!!

I’ll turn 28 by the end of this week by the way. And I still don’t have the answer for a question I should’ve answer million of years ago.

‘What is your life purpose?’

So what is mine? I want to live a happy life; naaaaayyy that’s too general. I want to be rich; that’s also still not something. I want to do things I like; see where I’m stuck now? I wanna get married; I don’t…not now. I want to pursue a carrier; I still don’t see any carrier for now. I want to be a writer; sometimes my imagination left my head empty. I want to have my master degree; can I still do that when I already left my brain someplace else? I want to run a business; this is probably already making my future business partner to get on her nerves. I want to go abroad; just realize it needs lots of money. I want to be a success woman; it’s hard when you don’t know what kind of success you want to accomplish.

What do I want then?

I don’t even know how to describe what I feel lately. I thought I’m fine. But I guess not yet fine. Things which have happened in my past suddenly crawl over the air again. There’s just so many I haven’t done which I should’ve done. I have no idea where I am now. I am able to start to feel comfy with my new life but then I start to feel another uncomfortable feeling. I am happy at one time but then I could cry cats and dogs in my room. I feel brave and care for nothing but then I feel worry of everything. I stick on my belief but then suddenly I start to lose my confident. I start to make myself sure that I am ready to settle down with someone I love and loves me but how can I do that if I haven’t feel complete myself? Do I want my imagination become reality so I can live the perfect life I always dream? No I don’t, that imagination life is too perfect. And beside that if that imagination comes alive, what else do I have when I get tired of my real life?

I will admit it. I am scare of my life. I am scare of what will or won’t happen tomorrow. I do feel insecure. The truth is this blog is the only thing I have as my delightful escape. Where I can do something I really like and enjoy with all my heart.

I even tried to have holidays with my girlfriends and I didn’t enjoy it. There’re just too many things in my mind right now. I eat a lot but I don’t gain any weight –trust me this isn’t good; this happened once for really not a good reason–. My heart is aching for some reason but I don’t know what. Happy stories my girlfriends generously share are the only thing which really could make my day.

D**n it!! What is happening?

I am just not being myself lately. And when this happens; believe me I can be a real bitch to people around me. People I love and I care a lot. I talk shit when someone shares a story. I just hate everybody –well this is not something new :p, but I hate everybody even more–

So this is really a time to let go everything isn’t it? To God. To life. To faith. Once my friend here quotes the Bible, that we are here for some reasons, that we are neither an accident nor a mistake. I guess that also includes me right? So I’m here not because of God has just accidentally slipped his hands and voila here I am. I know He does have a reason for every decision He made. I said a little pray last night and I am bit enlighten. Thank God.

So, no need to fear about tomorrow. I’ve just decided to let go. Tomorrow is just another Wednesday in a uniform. And I swear to God I will make it a nice Wednesday *crossmyfingeronit






-Maria-