Crazy Little Thing Called Me

So lately :

1. There’s just too many things going on in my head
2. I’m furious to a huge number of small things 
3. It feels like I wanna get out of myself just to see am I really being awkward as everybody says or it’s just them 
4. The feeling of ‘I need to be good so I can be legally cocky’ get even stronger 
5. I’m dying for girlfriends who can slap me in the face and tell me that I’m acting bitch and need to change 
6. I don’t fit my environment 
7. I clean up –how messy is that?!?– 
8. I forget when was the last time I had my goodnight sleep 
9. I’m broke 
10. I cancelled my karaoke time 
11. I lost my wedding gut again 
12. I want to have my own vehicle 
13. I cry more than ever 
14. I don’t have any new pair of shoes for the pass NINE FREAKING MONTHS 
15. I don’t have any new bags for ALSO nine freaking months –correction. I had new bag last month. But it was a GIIIIFFFFTTT– 
16. My monthly period has gone but the PMS still attached to me 
17. I start to care about others but then 5 minutes after that I found out that others don’t give a s**t about me so then I hate myself for doing that 
18. I need to be selfish again 
19. Awry is the best word to describe my feeling for everything 
20. I dream of a finance minister but my effort is even lower than the 5^th grade 
21. I beg for a better task. But when it comes I beg my boss to take it back 
22. I do still think that other is stupid  but the truth is I am
23. I got confused on a simple mathematical explanation but when I finally get it at the end of the 100^th explanation I still think that the mistake is on the formula AND the presenter. Just not me 
24. I scream my thought too loud 
25. I am still not being able to join the ‘social smiler’ group. I don’t smile when I found that there is no reason for me to smile at any occasion even when I need to impress someone 
26. I HATE. I mean this. I HATE the words ‘NEVER MIND’ a lot!! 
27. I hate people who’s being ignorance to what happen around them 
28. I dream of impossible. I want the world to have the same page in mind as I am 
29. I don’t call home for weeks 
30. To conclude all those points: I’m a real life pain in the ass 

-m-

I heard it and It Slaps Me in the Face

1.    We learnt something about human behavior that day. You feel sad when your friend fails. But when your friend succeed you’ll feel even more sad –3 Idiots–

It’s just that I always get everybody’s attention probably since the very first time I enter this world. That’s why any creature on this earth that doesn’t give a damn on me needs to be vanquished. And trust me this isn’t nice. I don’t celebrate my friends’ success. I weep when someone could make a better orange juice than me. I say ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ to someone but somehow my heart smile. That’s evil and disgusting.

2.    Nothing more precious than a friendship that endures. –Mary Alice Young–

I agree. I just lost a girlfriend. My mistake. She said she was relieving that she can find new friends to replace the old ones. And it broke my heart. I really don’t wanna be just somebody she used to know. I once called her a couple of days ago and the conversation just went not quite as usual.

3.    Never Extend Any Errors

I quote that from Om Felix. He said that that is the main ingredient if you want to have a long lasting relationship. And I don’t do such a thing like that. I extend every error. Every tiny little flaw my partner did. I close my eyes with one flaw that I couldn’t see thousands of amazing things he has ever done for me. I remember when he cancelled our appointment to go to this new laundry around the neighborhood every single second I have with him, but I totally forget when he made me bread toast and put it on my office desk for my Monday breakfast, when he instantly slid down from his floor to mine to bring me mineral water and tissue because I just texted him that my floor has ran out of water and toilet paper, when he calls and just made my day. And I am totally a b***h for that. I’m deeply sorry.

4.    When it comes to relationship I don’t enter it. I’m riding it. –Lynette Scavo–

I do that. I’m a control freak. And unfortunately for my partner I bring that bad habit along with me on a relationship. That God may help him when he’s having a disagreement with me. I get ballistic whenever my desire isn’t being fulfilled. And I don’t even bother to listen to what he wants when it’s not what I want.

5.    Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a very nice pair of shoes that will make you happy. –Some commercial in a shopping arcade–

Couldn’t agree more!!!

I’m not proud of THIS part of myself –I mean except quote number 5 of course– And I’m sorry for everyone that has passed with this shape of Maria. I truly am.

Now I realize that I’m not the only citizen of this planet; that I live with and will surely need someone else; that I would like to see happiness in the eyes of someone I love and not just the ‘you gotta be kidding me’ kind of look. There’s just so many great things people have generously do for me, which bring joy and things I need –even when it’s just a warm nice giant fat comforting bear hug– I thank you all. Just wish me luck on this transformation will you. :D

-maria-

I Am a Woman

As generally speak, woman is a female human, who has their own world. Their own way of thinking. Their own understanding of everything. Their own strength to face life. And their own complexity. Such as the words we use for several terms, which drives the opposite of our sex crazy. Male!! Hmf…what do they know about words picking. :p

The word ‘lucu’ –that’s in Bahasa– or cute in English –trust me I really did my research :p and cute is one of the English words for ‘lucu’–, has been a hot subject on my after work discussion lately. This topic took its place in our conversation and until this moment we haven’t share any agreement why women use this adjective to describe something which men thinks we should only say ‘bagus’ –that’s also in Bahasa– or just simply nice.

‘Lucu’ is the word you describe for something that makes you laugh. And cute little things you found when you do your window shopping ritual doesn’t really make you laugh, that’s why my male conversation partner thinks that we should just call it nice instead of cute.

Well actually I never knew this term before I moved to the capital of this country. Back home I used to say nice or ‘bagus’ when I see something nice. I don’t know when was this doctrine has caught my ears and my soul. Everyone (read. Every girl and also almost every boy –these are real men we’re talking here–) in that city speak this language. Then I found you can’t find any other words than CUTE to describe a very wonderful stuff you see –STILL. It does stand for LUCU in Bahasa–. Man and woman really do speak exactly the same words but totally different meaning. So what? No rules regulating on this. And it’s definitely not a sin. That’s just the way we are.

Back to Cute –AGAIN!! It stands for LUCU in Bahasa– :p. Same word different meaning. Spoken by the same species yet different gender. Heard by the same earth creature yet different way of understanding. It’s the beauty of diversity. Men sometimes confused by women and vice versa. So be it! Many times I got pissed by other woman way of thinking also. I really don’t have any explanation for this. Let’s not judge one way to another. Let’s try to change our paradigm. To understand others –though this is a common term in which I still don’t believe that it could be done by ME–. It’s the only solution for this. Trust me, me and my girlfriend have tried hundreds of different explanation to our male conversation partners for this and vice versa. And still, none of us have put our feet in the same shoes for this. But I swear to God I’ll fight for this word cute which ALWAYS stand for ‘Lucu’ in Bahasa in sickness and health, ‘till death do us apart…xixiixxixiixiii

Funny or cute little things you found doesn’t need to be perfectly symmetric, it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece of a famous great artist, it doesn’t have to be expensive, it doesn’t need to have any utility for the greater good. It’s just being cute because that’s just their nature. It is cute because it makes your heart beat faster than before; because it makes your eyes glow when you look at it; and mostly because it makes you gasp the very moment you spotted it and you spontaneously hold your breath for a while just to give a chance for your lung to save more oxygen to say a nice and long ‘O –pause– My –pause– God –pause– That –pause– Is –pause– So –pause– CUTE!’ and here I officially translate ‘Yak –jeda– Ampun –jeda– LUCU –jeda– Banget –jeda– Sumpah!’ *huge-giant-fat-grin* :D 

PS. I don’t receive any comment for this post. No heart feeling. Just womanly speaking…ha…ha…

Have a marvelous weekend

 -M-